Last night I had a beautiful dream. It was weird and jumbled up (as most dreams seem to be) but beautiful just the same. I got to see two weddings in bits and pieces. They were both mine. They were both AMAZING. Now, I’ve never been married and always wanted to be so I know that’s one of the reasons the dream was both weird and wonderful. It was in flashes so forgive the ‘flash like” bits and pieces that are going to come at ya.
The first marriage was to a very sweet, handsome and strong man with a bald head and a broad smile that shined like the sun. He was very affectionate and never let a day go by without making me feel adored. He hugged me and kissed me and laughed with me constantly. Looking in his eyes made my heart beat faster and my entire body warm. I can see us kissing, hear our mingled laughter, see his sparkling dark eyes. He is my joy in human form. My love. My husband. ~sigh~
We went on a boat, some type of trip, he died on the trip. We knew it was coming when it happened. I didn’t know how I could go on. I saw flashes of our wedding. Of the people who were there. The smiles on faces that I cherished. The face of his best man, his best friend. I saw over and over again my love, my husband, in my mind and I fell to my knees in grief. My heart couldn’t beat again. My warmth was gone. My world was lost in a wisp of wind. My heart was broken. I grieved. I grieved. I grieved.
Then I saw myself in a mirror, in a dress of copper hue. The men were wearing deep chocolate brown ties and suits and we’re all walking in a line. I’m feeling more beautiful than I thought could be possible. I am feeling so thankful for this moment, these people. We are waiting our turn to be the wedding party. The wedding before us is almost over, I’m almost ready. I’m checking everyone to see that they are in place. They are all smiling broadly at me and a few gasp as they see me and tell me how lovely I am. My dress is copper and brown and perfection in fabric and color. My heart is flying high. I close my eyes and I see that love that I lost. He holds me close and he whispers to me to be happy. “Be happy the way you made my life happy. Love him and let him love you. Love deeply. Live happily. I’m at peace now”.
The tears flow fast and freely now. I can feel his arms around me and I ache to be held again. I open my eyes and before me is my new love, my husband to be. His best man. His best friend. My new love. My husband to be. He is beautiful. He is strong. He is soft. His chin is strong. His curls are soft and black. he has them tied back at his neck and his coppery orange tie makes me smile. My eyes look up and reach his. All are filled with tears and love. He wraps his arms around me and whispers “I miss him too. He’s with us today.” I wrap my arms around him and feel warmth filling me again. Feel my heart ache with it’s broken fullness.
Then I’m looking for my father. He’s nowhere to be found. I sing a little rhyming song about waiting 37 years for this moment. I wish I could remember the words now that I’m awake. I spin in a circle and my friends gathered cheer and sing the rhyme with me. The happiness is palpable. I keep looking at my dress and feeling beautiful and loving the beauty of the colors. I notice a pacifier pinned to the front of my dress and I smile at the thought of my sweet daughter who is with me in spirit even though her body is in another country today. I miss her. My son, he’s the best man today. My arm slides into my father’s as he appears confused and wondering why he’s there. I remind him that of course I want him here today. “Put your bags down and walk with me, it’s our turn now. We walk arm in arm down the downward slanting isle My eyes lock with my new love and we both smile and shine. Our hands intertwine and I look down at them and then up at him as he kisses my lips. He is so soft and strong, So loving and brave. So safe and sound. He is my home. He is my love and my friend. He is my forever.
My eyes open to my room full of sunshine and my daughter with her dog. The dream is over now the real world is calling me. The dream keeps echoing in my head. The feeling of love still filling my heart. The colors spinning in my mind. I hope this dream is a vision of part of my future. I want to have that feeling every single day. Eyes open, heart full, life lived. That’s my prayer. That’s my hope. That’s my dream.